Job Ads We Love:

While surfing the internet, I came across the site As I usually do, I checked out their Careers page to see how they do things (hint: this is how you get those passive job seekers to apply to your openings).

*why this picture? Woot sells shirts, this was funny and the only other relevant image was romance novel and I wasn't going to have that on my search history

I was truly blown away by their job ads. An hour later (don't tell my boss), I finally pulled away from reading their ads and Googling some of their analagies. Here's an excerpt from one of their job ads:

Senior Vendor Manager (Woot Services LLC, Seattle, WA)

Webster's defines "high-impact" as … um … okay, this is embarassing. Instead of a dictionary, we've only got this collection of romance novels. But they seem to equate "high-impact" with "a sexy, hunky single father with a farm-built body and a poet's heart" so that's what we're gonna go with. And that could be you, assuming you're ready to flex your analytical and negotiation muscles as part of a team that researches, analyzes, and structures deals to perform at the highest level possible.

In this role, you will apply a healthy balance of qualitative and quantitative analysis to those long, moonlight nights by the ocean, analyze historical data and industry trends while stealing the heart of a mysterious Parisian cat burglar who just can't say no to a dare, and collect first-hand industry insights from existing Woot and Amazon buyers who are experts in their field, a field you might soon find yourself picnicking in if the Governor's eldest has her way Synthesizing these inputs, you will recommend optimal deal opportunities to ensure the best customer and vendor experience, possibly while wearing a leather jacket over your shirtless torso and staring into the wind.

In this job, you’ll learn: How a healthy obsession with the rapidly evolving daily deal and flash sale space can evolve into a forbidden love that violates the rules of 1841 Japan.

Intangible benefits: A chance to show how your enjoyment of problem solving and proficiency using Excel and other tools to analyze large data sets still doesn't stand in the way of your whirlwind romance with a red-haired Scottish princess from 1321 who has time-traveled to the present day and must learn to open her heart.

Potential hazards: Probably somebody's ex-lover will want you out of the picture. But since you enjoy tackling exciting negotiation challenges you'll quickly becomes a subject matter expert on the key attributes and inputs that ensure deal performance, right? And then nobody will be able to stop you.

If Woot were a superhero team, you’d be: in love with a surgeon named Ted who doesn't love you back (sob!)

Worst part of the job: Your role will be inherently cross functional, requiring individuals who are interested in leading collaboration and negotiation across the organization, in both the physical and virtual workspace. Or, in other words, you'll both fall in love across a crowded room but have to endure a series of misunderstandings until you finally accept you belong together. And then, it's just a negotiation over who pays the shipping!

It’ll go better if: you have long, sweeping, honey-colored hair that captures the rays of the sunset the way your frequent, executive-level vendor contact full of strong presentation and strategic negotiating skills will capture that mysterious stranger's heart.

Make sure you bring: an innocent desire to truly learn to love again.

To be honest, this job ad was the most "mysteriously" written of all of them, but I had to include it because the line "evolve into a forbidden love that violates the rules of 1841 Japan" just slayed me.

Here's Why We Love This Job Advertisement

  • I have no idea what a Vendor Manager is, but I get the general feeling after reading the above. When I Googled what a Vendor Manager primarily does, I was captivated (yes, I'm a copywriter, so I tend to nerd out on this stuff, but seriouly, this is good).

  • I understand that this role is about cultivating relationships and that those relationships will probably turn sour if I don't know how to handle them and that will affect the company.

  • I don't want to apply for this position, which is a good thing, because I'd be terrible at it.

  • I've already understood the person this job ad is looking for and have qualified myself out before even reading the "qualifications" section.

  • It slaps you in the face with company culture.

  • This isn't the job for me, but I have an affinity towards this brand now, based on a job I'd never get hired for. That's crazy. That's a job ad we love.


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